Bridging conversational apertures
When talking to others, I've noticed there are oftentimes gaps where I’m often presented with the un-implied opportunity to say something more. To mention something or ask a question or share an anecdote that works as a catalyst for an additional conversational thread.
Being a quite introvert, however, I’ve noticed I have an acute tendency to not take it.
This, of course, is completely my choice. But it’s also a habit. Most of the time I’m “quiet” (and have since identified myself as such) because I’m so used to leaving those gaps blank.
Becoming more aware of this, I’ve found two useful strategies to avoid it. The first, as you might have guessed, is to simply go in the other direction. Once you notice the gap, say something (!), anything. The more I’ve talked to people the more I’ve discovered how just about anything can come out of your mouth (barring outright profanity) that most friendly people will be receptive to. The more you habitually notice the gaps and take action, the easier it will become.
Male dating coaches, often advise their clients to adopt a similar strategy, instructing them to approach girls and say the first thing that comes out of their mouth (no matter how obscene or absurd). Not only does this teach guys that they can overcome rejection, it creates momentum (confidence?) that then allows them to fill those inevitable gaps with ease. By being (and becoming) the fun, social sort of guys who can easily talk about anything, they stand out from the sea of men who lack the confidence to venture past mundane and overused conversation topics. Anything, anything, is more interesting than talking about the weather.
Furthermore, I've also found that if I’m full of energy (like after a bout of exercise), it’s far easier to act on these opportunities as well.
I don’t know if it’s psychological (maybe I’m feeling more confident) or if it’s physiological (maybe having more energy and less tension sways my personality more towards extroversion than the alternative). My guess is it’s both.
Could it be that “quiet people” (introverts and quite types alike) just need a little more energy? An all-natural social lubricant, perhaps? Maybe, in large part, overcoming those gaps simply requires a little more push.
If that sounds like you, here’s a second strategy: Before you’re put in a situation where you might have to be doing a fare bit of talking, do something that gets your heart pumping.
Maybe it’s going to the gym. Or sprinting to the event. Or doing something that scares you. It sounds counter-intuitive, but doing something that gets your heart racing will give you the equanimity you need to traverse those conversational chasms with ease.